Complex Life
People make mistakes. I’m a person, therfore I make mistakes. I wouldn’t say last night was a complete mistake because i will never regret some of the things that happened.
The things that happened needed to happen. they needed to be said and i will forever be grateful for my stupidity. And i will forever be grateful that we made it out alive and unscathed, so we can enjoy Christmas.
I have some serious things to consider. I’m not sure how they will turn out, but they will turn out for the best. They always do. Even if you can’t see it at one bad moment in your life, in the end life is good and you have to go through bad times so you know when you are going through a good time.
He told me hes liked me since he saw me. He said I was cute and he got to know me, and he fell hard, but I had to ruin it by dating someone else. He told me it was fate and I couldn’t disagree. Every excuse i came up with for why should we, he came back with a why not. He called my bluff and I couldnt do a thing. The only excuse i had….I’m scared….give me time.
Why do I have to be scared? to take the chance, to jump into something completly new. Why do I have to think about it? Why am I scared to have a relationship? Relationships are complicated, they can hurt. I cant take my heart hurting anymore, but I cant hurt him because I want to be with him, but my mind wont let me because i keep thinking rationally but love shouldnt be rational it never is…
So what’s the problem? I will continue to think about this all throughout the night. I don’t know what I will decide because at the moment everything is up and down and I am stuck in the middle and I really do not know what I will decide.
I honestly can’t see myself dating him seriously. Friends with benefits…maybe. Best friends…..def. Only time will tell……
